Approval

I had a realization about approval-seeking the other day. I do it a fair amount, particularly in certain relationships. I want people to approve of what I'm doing, though I've never known what to think about that.

One of my best friends in the world is someone that I crave approval from- I want to know that she thinks I'm doing smart things. I have recently specifically avoided telling her about becoming poly, and have just recently realized why. I knew that I was avoiding it because she would not approve- or more accurately, because she would be concerned. I wasn't sure why this was so bad until I realized that, between her concern and my attention-seeking, telling her something that I knew would concern her put her in a position of power over me that I wasn't comfortable with. It's not that I think she'd abuse it, it's just that I don't want to give her that psychological power.

Interestingly enough, my female interest is also someone that I appear to naturally seek approval from. And someday, I'd be interested in giving her that power- explicitly- to do as she would with.