My Feminine Side, Redux

So, my last examination of my femininity from an emotional perspective didn't feel sufficient, and I'd like to revisit it.

First, a review of some of the vocabulary I'm using. I don't promise that these usages are standard, hence the definitions. (Get me started some other time on whether usages of terms like these can be entirely standard. Should make for some interesting frothing at the mouth about linguistic snobs.)

Gendered: something that is done in order to identify with a gender, i.e. "Lookit me! I'm a girl! A GIRL!" (in whatever intensity, that being rather extreme.)
Gender-specific: something that is done that would not be done if the doer were the other gender, but that is not intended as an identifying action, i.e. "What, a skirt you say? Well, yes, I'm wearing one. No, I just like them. Well, no, I probably wouldn't wear them if I was a guy."
Gender-neutral: something that could/would be done by either gender, and has no subtext of gender identification, i.e. "Yep, I'm eating. Nope, that's got nothing to do with gender whatsoever. Seriously."

Another distinction that I will be making is how society interprets an action, how certain groups interpret and action, and how I interpret an action internally.

Ok, I think that gives me all the tools of the trade, let's get started. I think I'll go through the things I do that are perceived as gendered by the world at large and talk about how I perceive them.

1. Geekiness- It is my perception that the world at large sees geekiness as a gender-specific trait, but sees it as gender specific to males. (I have also hear this expressed 'geek is its own gender, with its own set of gender rules.' This is probably also a valid way of stating the situation, though my perception is that most of the gender rules are derived from male gendered traits.) All nerds are expected to dress, act, and show interest in things in a certain way. All nerds, male or female, have their 'nerdness' called into question if they do not follow these rules. For instance, in the gamer nerd subsection, a male nerd who defies the nerd 'dress code' (usually consisting primarily of blue jeans and a t-shirt with a geeky joke or reference to some nerd culture icon on it) will have his nerddom called into question, both by culture at large and by nerds themselves. I've had this happen to me from both perspectives:

Me: "I'm a huge nerd."
Strange Guy Failing to Hit on Me: "Oh, you just left your glasses at home?"
Me: *glare*

From the other perspective, although I forget the exact quotes, I've had a nerd friend of mine basically say 'Man, you're really sending mixed signals...you're a nerd, you do RPGs, etc, but here you are wearing a skirt and makeup! This breaks my nerd meme and confuses me.'

I could probably go on about this phenomenon for a while, but point is, in my mind geekiness is, for better or worse, perceived as male-specific (even for the female nerds), and I definitely identify as 'nerd,' not as something that is a gendered behavior, nor as something that is gender-specific to female, just as something that is an inherent part of my personality. I also break a lot of the gender rules of nerd, as I mentioned earlier and will probably discuss further below.

2. Embroidery- This is one of my favorite pastimes, when I have the time and focus. It feeds my need to have tangible (and preferably visible) results from the time I've spent at a pursuit. It makes me feel skilled, which is a related but non-synonymous need. Additionally, it's a physical hobby, and in a cyber world making something with my hands is a rare pleasure. The world at large sees this hobby as gender-specific to females, perhaps bordering on gendered female. I think I agree that it is a gender-specific activity, if only because I would probably not have gotten into it if I were male, not because I would not enjoy it if I were male. I believe that my reasons for enjoying embroidery are independent of my gender.

3. Girl time- Before I analyze the gender-qualities of girl time I'm going to have to define it, which I don't anticipate being easy, though my guess is that we'll get a lot of the analysis of gender characteristics done in the definition stage.

For me, 'girl time' or 'doing girly stuff' generally refers to participating (usually but not always with other women) in activities that are frequently at least gender-specific to females if not gendered females. The exceptions to the 'female participants' rule are few and far between, but they certainly exist, and occur irrespective of gender identity and sexual orientation. A certain very heterosexual dance maniac occurs to me here.

As for a further examination of the activities, they can range from activities that are at least traditionally very female gendered activities of makeup, nails, and generally engaging in vanity and self-adornment, to activities that I simply engage in with people with whom I feel close and comfortable, which in my life have generally tended to be female when in platonic relationships. The activities also extend to gender-nonspecific activities, but these feel more like 'friend time with girls' than 'girl time.'

So, I would say that girl time is mostly a gender-specific activity rather than a gendered activity, with the exceptions being the self-adornment stuff, which we'll discuss below.

4. Personal appearance- This is the biggie, I think, and yet now I don't feel that I have to write much to explicate it given the previous analyses. The self-adornment is partially gendered for me, despite my previous post. (Look at me, how pretty I am, love me and be attracted to me.) But it's largely become a gender-specific set of skills at this point for me- I get at least as much reward from the process as I do from the result, much the same as we see in my embroidery. Really, I don't perceive much difference between embroidery and doing my makeup, except embroidery takes longer to get results. The aesthetic results have more social baggage, both for me and everyone else, making it more gendered than embroidery, but not by a huge amount. If I had to choose a category, I'd say that my personal appearance activities are gender specific, not gendered.